Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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