Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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