I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
