capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
