happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
