quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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