Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM VODKA MAN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize