I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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