i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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