I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
