Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
