There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
