god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
