I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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