i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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