i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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