I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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