boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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