worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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