So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
