He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
