she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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