my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
