i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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