his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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