Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
