The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
