oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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