Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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