Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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