found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
