dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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