If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
