mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
