Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
