Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
