Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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