i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
