he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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