I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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