He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
