overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
