I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
