Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
