Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
