I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
