So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
