I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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