piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
