I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
