this beer tastes like vomit already
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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