burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
