he shaved USA in his pubs
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
