He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like his penis was on wheels.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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