We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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