that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
