well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
