What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had to cum in my sink.
why is half of my head shaved?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
