once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
