I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
