I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
