I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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