The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
