yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
