Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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