from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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