did you get engaged???
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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