You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
this hospital has no fireball
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
