here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
