last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
