I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
