Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
