it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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